To be... or not to be (good.)

I play Scrabble with a lot of strangers... some stranger than others :) But there was a man recently who knew I was a Christian from the things posted on my Facebook page. He wanted to know if non-catholic Christians observed Lent. I told him some do, but it's not imposed... thinking better of my answer I told him nothing was actually imposed. I shared the verse about all things being permissible, but not beneficial.

It's funny how restrictive many think Christianity is. "Don't drink, smoke or chew or hang out with those who do." Who came up with that? It's no wonder the world sees Christianity as a list of do's and dont's and not as a relationship between a man and his Creator.

I was raised in a Christian home. I wasn't perfect... at all... no where near. But I lived on one side of the fence more than the other. People at church usually thought I was a pretty good girl with a positive example... most the time that was true. I went strait from being 17 to a married woman on May 16th, 1986. Almost 23 years now. 40 years of trying to be good. Wow... that's a long time. I remember in my 20's thinking I would try drinking, as other Christians I knew did. That was not a good idea for someone with an addictive personality. All I can say is it's a good thing I never tried street drugs... I'd be in jail or dead by now.

According to the Bible, I can do whatever I want... but each choice will set me on a path. A path of my choosing, really. Wide is the path that leads to death, narrow is the path that leads to life... hmmmm. It seems so simple that even a child could understand. What is it about that wide path that draws us so much? And if I am always choosing the wide path... was I ever really on the narrow path at all? So much to work out with fear and trembling.

I love that I have been learning... growing in understanding really, about the difference between trying to be good, and loving someone so much that I would never seek after anything that would hurt my relationship with them. I recently read a quote by CS Lewis that said, "Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." That is perfect for marriage, but it also speaks of our love for God. We know that sin separates, but do we care? I mean how deep does this love go on my end? I know it went to the cross on His.

God, as you mature me... help me not pursue any righteousness separate from you. Help me not to waver, but to grow in my love and understanding of who You are. Help me be... help me... help.