Wanna hear about one of the biggest mistakes I ever made?
God was seriously speaking to Paul and I about going to England to do mission work. We had been talking about the fact that God seemed to be sending us messages one Sunday morning, when out of no where a missionary couple, from England, appeared to speak at church. Of course we couldn't believe it, but when they singled us out and invited us to their hosts home that night invited us to come to England, and that maybe Paul could even take his place as preacher (the missionary didn't feel that was necessarily his calling at the time)... well... the messages were kind of validated.
So I began to plan. I went into anxiety mode. I began by having a tag/garage/yard sale in winter to get rid of some of our stuff... one person came, then it snowed. I tried to wrap and re-wrap my mind around how we would get our "stuff" to England, where and how we would live on no money... how I would get all my meds, how my teenage son would manage leaving his friends and the high school he was loving, how we would see our oldest daughter, how we as a family of 5 (one off to college) could survive with gas at $6 a gallon!!! Kinda forgot the trusting God thing.
So tax time came around. We got a check for $1500, just enough for two tickets to England, and just in time for us to go help this missionary couple during a time when they really needed it (they put on Creationfest.) So what did I do? (swallow hard... clear throat... pull collar away from neck) I bought a sofa/love-seat. Argh! Ack! It is still hard to say after 4 years! My family was all coming to town for my daughters graduation and our sofa was literally falling apart! I was so nervous about having both of our families there... in our little home (and I mean whole families, nieces nephews, the works.) The $1500 was only enough for the plane tickets and not a place to stay (the missionaries had mentioned a barn and though that was good enough for Jesus, I was scared of spiders and bad backs.) So I told myself if God really wanted us to go, He would provide a new "miracle check" with enough for everything. I didn't know who could have watched the kids for us anyway so... this seemed right to me (Paul was out of town. Hmmmm.)
Life has become so difficult on every level, since then, I can't even tell you!!! I'm Jonah and we're all living in the belly of the whale. Some days we can see the light, down here with the fishes. Believe me, I did not miss out on the irony of the fact that with my health crises, I was sentenced to that sofa for a year. I think God will give us another chance... He's not in the business of punishment, but in rehabilitation :) He wants something better for us and now that we've seen what the life we always wanted has to hold for us... we know it will be easier to let go of. So say a prayer for us please. Ask God to give us whatever assignment He has for us, and ask Him to help me learn to take that leap when He asks. What kind of Christian are you? When God asks your to jump, do you say "How high" or do you buy a sofa?