So... what a weird weak... uh... week. Banished from commenting on facebook, then the computer breaks and forced to fall back into real life again (btw, yuck... I SO hate folding socks!!!) Just forced to do a lot of things I didn't want to do. About a dozen "hee-lar-i-us" people all said it was God's will for me to be forced into retirement. Sad thing is... I KNOW THAT, THANK YOU!!! (Like you're all so perfect ;)
So here I am at the public library for the 2nd time today...waiting for the fire, flood, tornado or whatever is gonna hit to make me have to go back home again. So here's the facts... besides a few side jobs here and there, I've spent way too much time at home over a 23 year span. It wasn't in vain, mind you. I raised two awesome kids, I'm incredibly proud of and I don't think I would have done it differently. I think the thing is... I feel through... like I should be done and I have two to go. I adore these little ones though... I mean... I love them so much I want to breath them in :) But I lost myself along the way. I don't tell you this cause I want you to feel like I'm all pathetic (which I am.) I say it cause it is SO common and if it could happen to me, it could happen to you.
I want... I need change. I love that I am changing shape literally and figuratively, but what does that mean for my brain and my heart? It is a slow process at times and my emotions can barely keep up. I do know one thing... that isolation which I crave outside of facebook... the one I keep saying is a bad thing... is a bad thing! Ha! I mean... there is nothing to be gained from it. So if I can encourage you in anything at all, it would be to reach out... even to unlikely sources.
I reached out to a very unlikely source and it has turned out to be a blessing to Paul and I both. I think one of the things that has to go first before you can reach out... is pride. If I had been a prideful person, I would continue on in isolation headed for a cliff, but you would be surprised how un-unique you are :) Not to sound unkind... in God's eyes there is no one like you... never has been, never will be. But situationally, you are not special and that is a good thing as Martha Stewart would say. So find a soul to reach out to today. Trust that the Lord will bring it around full circle till you're headed down a right path, but find a person who's been on your path and has found their way back out again. It's a bit foggy where I am right now... but I have a few hands to hold. I hope you do too.