Monday, June 18, 2012

Peace in/Peace out.

Is there something, concerning peoples personalities, that really irks you? There are a few things that just make me bristle. One is controlling people. I have a hard time dealing with someone who wants to control a situation, the people around them... or even the conversation. Something inside of me just wants to tell them to relax... to let people breathe... but then I wonder if I'm trying to control things by wanting a more comfortable environment. I bite my tongue and stuff it down in order to maintain civility. I try to remember biblical teachings about forgiveness and love, but that sinful nature just wants to climb out and do some damage.

Prideful people. That's another one. Oh my wicked side comes out here more often than not. I like to get cheeky and take them down a peg or two. I don't love debating, but I love a good verbal sparring. Sure, women like confident men, but that guy who looks in the mirror more than we do... that guy who says, "enough about me, what do you like about me?" He's not scoring any points with anybody. And the sad thing is, it's almost always based in insecurity. A man who comes in and takes over the situation, oozing self confidence... that's the guy who gets the job, the girl, whatever he wants right? Some might see him as strong, but I'm seldom impressed. My interest is usually captured by that quiet, confident, spirit who knows all the answers, but doesn't raise his hand. Not because he's shy, but because he doesn't need the accolades to sustain him.

There are a few women at my work who are trying their level best to "get ahead." I see them talking down to the teenagers. Distrusting and backbiting their co-workers at every opportunity. Manipulating situations in order to make themselves look better. Just generally clawing at the air... and it makes me sad. Well, to be honest, it makes me mad first. I mean, I want to do well... I want to please my employers and make a difference, but I want to feel good about myself and my fellow employees when I lay my head down at night. It takes a lot of effort to be that intense. They must be exhausted.

From talking to one of these women, I've come to realize that her need to succeed came from her mom's constant criticism of her. I have to try to remember that when she's knocking down everyone in her path. And the other woman, I'm learning how to get along with her. As soon as she says something nasty about someone else, I change the subject. "Oh, you sound hoarse, are you sick?" My nature is to deal with things directly. "Do you realize how b*&*#y you are?" This is what I want to say. But the Bible gives incredible advice when it says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Rom 12:18. I do my best at this weakened state I am in, to live this out... but I need to give myself this gift of peace too by not re-living these frustrating moments over and over again in my head. It's too bad we can't just turn up the volume in our minds and listen to Louis Armstrong singing "What a Wonderful World," but maybe we're better off listening to what's behind what the other person is saying. It's usually the voice of their inner child asking for approval, needing to be loved. I think we all can identify with that.

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