All in!

In church yesterday, two different people spoke about not losing your wonder... your amazement at God. One man asked us to recall what we loved and marveled at as children. Immediately I had a vision of the ocean... when the sun shines on it and the billions of diamonds sparkling on the waters surface. I could be mesmerized by that for hours. Even when laying on the diving board in our back yard, I was affected the same way as those light diamonds danced on our pools surface.

I realized how much Ive been thinking about the ocean these past few years. The funny thing is, I thought it was a new interest.... thinking Id like to live on the ocean, and how beautiful a wedding on the beach would be at night. But in church yesterday, I put two and two together. I have always loved the ocean... loved water in general actually. When I was a young teen, my friends would lie on the sand of our local lake in Connecticut where all the boys were, and where the sun could tan their white skin, but I was always swimming. I couldn't stay out of the water.

I just always felt better around the water... and a waterfall... well that is like the chocolate of all water. The air around oceans, forests and waterfalls are full of negative ions which are supposed to boost serotonin, causing our moods to improve. So it's not just my imagination, science and nature back me up on this... water just makes us feels good.

In the midst of the trials Ive been dealing with for the past several hurtful years, what should I do with this realization? "I love the ocean, I want to be near the ocean, the ocean makes me feel better?" I'm not sure... at least, I'm not sure how to get there or stay there... yet. I do think
it's interesting that something so welcoming and beautiful is full of so many uncertainties. Tsunamis, jelly fish, rip tides, and the ever terrifying shark. Funny, my greatest enjoyment and my biggest fear all in one place.

It's kind of like life if you think about it. You could jump in and live life to it's fullest, fears be damned. Or you could sit on the edge, enjoying the sun and the boys, but never feeling the water on your skin... never feel the rush of the giant waves crash against you as you struggle to keep your head above water, never fight the tide and win. Id like to jump in, but I'm fearful... and the thing is, I don't think I fear the things in the water as much as I fear leaving the safety of the shore. I can't seem to figure out whether I'm supposed to put my floaties on, or build a shelter on the shore. Maybe it's time to swim.