Friday, June 26, 2009

My worst enemy.

Life sucks, end post.
LOL, oh dear now I've gone and cracked myself up. (Not really.) I've been sharing since I first started this blog that I have had a deep and painful problem... of course, being human, I have many... but the one that's giving me the most trouble is my marriage. You might wonder why on earth anyone would want to share such personal information in a public forum. I am such a firm believer though that if we would only open up and share our problems, we would not only see that others are hurting too, but we would find the help we need.

Paul and I have been married greater than half my life. I love no one on earth more than him... but that doesn't mean things can't crumble! Not only does life, family, kids, work, relational... and weather issues tear it down... Satan is there daily with a chisel and a hammer chipping away at it! Paul and I are so weary. He has more on him than I do on me and yet his burden to save this thing is greater... he is the hero that must rise up to save us... nice to be a girl right now, though I will do my part. I believe most marriages go through this at some point. It's the point in the marathon where you hit the wall... only this is worse, cause the wall hits back. It's emotional. Your heart, mind, body and soul are tied up in it. People don't tell their kids when this happens but guess what... when their kids struggle in their marriages they think there's something wrong with them. "Mom and Dad were so solid, even with all their faults..." Guess what kids... mankind is the same from age to age. There's nothing new under the sun.

If I could begin to tell you the problems wrapped up in a troubled marriage (assuming you don't know) you would flip. How do we survive this crap??? Something so cool happened for us. It was a total God thing. A few months back, when I still knew who I was... I saw an old friend on FB. I was worried that he and his wife might have walked away from the Lord so I inquired... We never knew each other well so it was interesting, but I am always kinda bold and luckily he wasn't offended so we had some good talks about it and that was that. Then a few months later he makes a smart remark on my wall and I call him on it. Over the day, my entire dissolving life is poured out to him... he totally relates and gives Paul and I both advice that is totally pointing us in the right direction... Do you see how incredibly important it is to be open with someone... anyone? God will bring the right person... but you gotta get it out there!!! You might tell 5 wrong people before you get to the right one, but who cares? Could things get any worse than they are now? That's what holds you back from healing... pride and fear!

So can't give you much info right now on the marriage thing other than to say that God is greater than your problems... no matter what they are. I again wonder what you have to hold onto... or to look forward to if you don't have a Savior. He saves us from so many things... but best of all... He saves us from ourselves!


  1. AMEN! If everything were easy, we would see no need for God! Hold on girl, you are a living, breathing testimony of our heavenly Father!

  2. I believe that Satan targets good, strong marriages and "chisels" as you put it so well, away because it is a greater victory for him....he destroys what others see as a godly point for Satan.... We have to be purposeful every day (and sometimes every hour depending on how difficult the situation is) to stay together. We have been married 21 years and have a great marriage and I have been were you are many times over that 21 years. Keep on keeping on and tell God all about it....He created our hubby and us, so He will understand our shortcomings.....

  3. If you get a chance, look up The Gabe Dixon Band's song called "All Will Be Well." A very pretty song that comes from the biblical principle that you know all too well. I think you'll really like it.
    Just f.y.i. I've always bragged on you and dad for all the hard days you've seen it through and always with an amazing love that surpasses understanding. Because the love you guys share is a God thing. That's the only way I see two teenagers surmounting the capacity to create a family, instill the sound foundation of godly purpose, continue trucking no matter what the obstacle, and share a laugh still over "mom, what's for diner?..... Spankin's". lol...
    I'm proud of you guys and think you should know it. Since you've always kept God as the foundation of your relationship, I know you guys will be fine, and I know that you must know that too. Deep breaths :) Love you both!